in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
