I seem to have left my pride at pride
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
NoShamevember. You game?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
