Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
