I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so let's talk penis.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
