so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
