Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
