my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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