this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
His hands were made for my vagina.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
