Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
