I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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