the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
