You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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