Please, let me fuck your mom
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
