Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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