i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
