So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.