dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
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on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right