one might say we're banned from that church
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.