i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.