She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
