mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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