Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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