When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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