oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The ass gains better be worth it
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