Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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