Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
