i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
