I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
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