Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
