You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
