and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize