I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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