the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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