Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
