We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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