Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
