woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
worst night to have a conscience
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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