Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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