your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
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