dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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