we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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