I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
