Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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