We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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