She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
