Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
