end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
