I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
