sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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