Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
ok first of all what the fuck
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
