and my herpes radar will keep us safe
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
