he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
