I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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