I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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