Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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