dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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