if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
