Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
