that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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