I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also, beer. Big fan.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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