I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
