my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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