a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
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i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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