My friends, they love my intelligence
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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