We're facebook friends in real life
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
