I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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