i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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