True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
