Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
