I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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