Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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