No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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