This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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