I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Randomize
