Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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